A note at the start of summer.
Dear Friends,
How many times have you heard the phrase “mental health crisis”? I personally hear this phrase everywhere I go. It is an undeniable part of our zeitgeist. These times are challenging, and risk factors for young adults and adolescents are at a fever pitch. Suicide and premature death are at an all-time high among young people. If you are reading this (and thank you if you are), you may wonder if AI Danny or the real Danny is writing this article. Spoiler alert: it’s me. I don’t know how to use AI. Awareness of our mental health problems in this country is not lacking. We have every kind of awareness day and month imaginable. From my vantage point, we all have mental health issues. We can debate the causes of all this. It is because of screen and social media, the disintegration of extended family/community, rugged individualism, our political climate…whatever. We speak of the crisis being outside of ourselves. We debate causes and solutions that feel too complex and unattainable.
If we want to help make things better, whether we are mental health professionals, parents, or both, the best thing we can do is focus on our inner world. Our feelings, our own emotional regulation and anxiety. How do I show up? How much do I blame my inner world on external events I cannot control? It seems counterintuitive. What can I do? How can I make things better? The answer is simple. As Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world." Focus on your emotional and mental health if you want to help the world. The better I know myself, my mind, and my unconscious patterns, the better I serve others. I am a kinder person when I take good care of myself first. Paradoxically, I give more and have a greater impact, and most importantly, I am a better Dad.
For years, I spent most of my time developing my out-sight and sizing up others, figuring them out, and unsuccessfully trying to implement my vision for others' reality and ways to fix them. Both as a parent and program owner, I suffered from the delusion that I had power or control over other people's paths. Today, I see that as crazy. I wasted an inordinate amount of energy trying to control other people, places, and things. It didn’t work, obviously, and I ended up angry, burnt out, and depressed. I felt like a victim of this world. I unconsciously projected that onto people I love and the world in general. I am not enlightened. I am not any better or worse than anyone on this planet. We are all just human beings doing the best we can. I have found that I have far more compassion for others and am more helpful to them when I am clear on my motives and patterns. If it were up to me, I would like to see a National Inner Awareness Day. We can help others cultivate inner awareness, but our mass campaigns to draw attention to fractionalized labeled groups daily do not work. Studies have shown that the more people are exposed to what is wrong, the less sensitive and empathic they become. We become calloused, not more aware. There is a better way, and it forces us to focus on what is going on inside ourselves. True insight and give the outside projections and judgments a little time off.
Thank you for taking the time to check out our newsletter! I will throw out some book suggestions and other things I like here that have helped me on my path, and I hope they are useful to others. First up is Bruce Tift’s amazing book “Already Free.” I would love to hear from you, feel free to email me to strike up conversation, provide a suggestion or just to connect.
Danny Conroy, co-founder of AIM